Sunday, 30 December 2012

My honest opinion of Christmas

Share it Please
At this time of year, I would be called a Scrooge. Or a misery guts.

The truth is, I don't enjoy Christmas.

I used to ADORE Christmas, I loved the excitement of the lights, the tree, the food, the presents...but then one year it just disappeared. My spirit had gone.

Now this kinda sounds like a kids story about the quest to find my "spirit". It's not! I know when I lost the spirit. It was when one year, my Mum was too depressed to bother putting the tree up with me. She told me that I was too old for it anyway. I remember that year being sat at the dining able with her, eating our roast dinner, where she then said that, "all this Christmas stuff is pointless, it's just another day." Then as the years went on, there were more and more excuses. Then my dog Billy-Ray got quite old and putting a large obstacle up in the living room, when your dog is deaf and blind, isn't very kind. Bless him. <3

Now each Christmas, I find more and more difficult. My mother is heavily judgemental and criticises everything. She says the right words, such as, "oh it's fine...go and have dinner with them if you want." But will not let me live it down for years. She judges everyone close to me. If her presents aren't quite what she wants, she will be in a bad mood til next Christmas. She makes bitchy comments about everything. Years of this behaviour have made me quite tiresome and I long to be alone or elsewhere for Christmas. I get offers from many people to spend the 25th and 26th with them, and I long to be there, but I know that I will pay for it all year and I spend my whole time there worrying about how I am treated when I am at home.

This year was the same as any other. Except I saw the day in VERY drunk with my gorgeous friend Danni. Which helped the day along, I have to say.

I also made a decision. I was thinking back to last week. Jamie's family were decorating their tree and his Mum was telling the story about all the different decorations; where they came from, who they came from etc. I finally felt like I was in a homey place.

So now I am going to look to the future. Jamie and I already have a Christmas tree after finding one in Reading. It has lots of lovely decorations too; bows, beads and dangly bits.

My Mum gave me a gorgeous bauble the other day too, that she got from Liberty.

I am going to collect decorations over the next years, which have stories to go with them. Then when I am lucky enough to have my own home, with Jamie, we will have Christmas together, then we can visit everyone. One day we will have our own family too, so there will be children to have the Christmas spirit. Maybe then I will get mine back?!

All I know, is that the thing I most like about Christmas is making other people happy, whether it is through gifts or actions. I look forward to doing that in the future for my own family!

This is Christmas, Christmas my dear.
The time of year to be with the one that you love.

1 comment:

  1. Such a lovely post hun, glad you was happy this christmas xx


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