Wednesday, 1 May 2013

To send or not to send...that is the question...

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Ever write a text that you really want to send, but just can't? You're texting another friend about it at the same time, yet you really can't send it to that actual person?

No, I'm not drunk texting anyone.

If I was drunk, I wouldn't wonder about sending it. I wouldn't be writing this post now.

Honestly, I think it would massively piss off the person if I sent it. However, my fears of standing up to this person are HUGE. As I have already confessed to said person this evening...which hasn't even been frickin' acknowledged!

"I'm probably about to piss you off even more but you need to know this...I wish you would stop excusing your behaviour, realise what you do and say and just apologise. I can only remember one apology from you, where you meant it and you didn't excuse your behaviour..."

That's what I wanted to send. I am just so tired of always apologising first; sometimes being the only one to apologise.

I guess there will never be any change.

It's quite hurtful, not being good enough for a simple, "sorry." I know that I am not good enough, but I must be worth that at least.

Truthfully, I am not sure if I would even want this person to see this post. I don't know if they even will. But if they do, I wonder if they will ever understand the hurt, the pain and the fear.

If posting this does damage, then so be it. It's not like there isn't damage there already. Whilst I am at it, no healing has been done either...

With love from the scared and sad girl x

Sorry seems to be the hardest word...

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