No regrets.

I'm not one of those people who tweets or posts a status after something happens, which should be kept private. You know the ones, when people reply with, "what's up?" and what comes back is something along the lines of "nothing" or "PM me." Like, really?

I'm not one of those people who blogs about something with deep hatred either.

A few months ago I blogged about my break up and how I was dealing with it. In that time, I realised that I had no hate in my system; a little bit of sadness maybe, but what surprised me was that I was happy to be dumped! I missed my friend terribly, but I was happy that the pain we were putting each other was over with.

30 minutes ago, Jamie left my house. He dropped my stuff off and we talked everything over.

I guess I just want to put words down, showing that I feel relieved that I still have my friend. Not all relationships have to finish sour.

It's time to keep going now. I can smile a little more.

No regrets, they don't work.

No regrets now, they only hurt.

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Heartbreak Recovery: Part 7

Part 7: Okay.

From the point where my last post finishes, a lot has happened.

I have:
- Sent way too many dodgy SnapChats
- Worked my arse off, earning money wherever possible.

Back at my old job...gardening!

- Sung to the top of my lungs in the car.
- Shopped an awful lot.
- Spent time with my family.

Snapchatting with the fam too!

- Finally braved riding my horse. (Currently dealing with the pain!)
- Made new friends
- Gotten drunk and crashed down a bouncy castle slide. Crashed off the side too. Many times...

No wonder I was in pain!

- Filmed a few YouTube videos
- Completed a course that makes me Health & Safety store champion (Getting me closer to my chosen career!)
- Run around the streets at 3am with Jade, Stacey and Bruno the puppy!

- Sorted my room out so that it feels fresher
- Danced to Bon Jovi A LOT.
- Listened to this video way too much. Bruce Springsteen AND Jon Bon Jovi. HEAVEN.

However I think what is more important is that I am happy. Sometimes I am driving my car and I realise that I am smiling to myself. I have no reason to; I just keep smiling.

For the past few weeks I have realised a few things:

- True friends and family will support you
- The support from fellow bloggers will always make me smile
- I can be sad, but it doesn't mean I have to hurt myself in the process
- I am more disappointed that I have lost my best friend, than my boyfriend
- Bon Jovi never change and their music makes me eternally happy
- Life goes on.

I was planning on doing this series of posts for a bit longer, but I don't want to look back at how I have felt recently, because if I do, I want to think of the fun, happy times.

I don't want to be sad about him either, because I have been thinking of some of our memories and they were good. They still make me smile. Any problems at the end, well that was clearly a sign, but I wouldn't change anything.

No regrets, they don't work.

No regrets now, they only hurt.

Now it is time to keep living life like I have been recently. Having fun, taking each day as it comes, taking all opportunities that arise, saying yes more. These past few weeks have been amazing and this is how I want to see in my 21st!

Don't look back in anger,

I heard you say.

At least not today.

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Heartbreak Recovery: Part 6

Part Six: The Day After The Push

After an awful lot of working, a day off finally arrives.

Go to the yard. Have bowen therapy outside in the sun, keeping warm by the hog roaster!

Go back to the house. Clean it top to toe.

Go back to the yard. Have a nap in the sun.

Sit in the micro pig pen and feed them by hand, to get them used to human contact.

Have Mum and Andy round for a chinese at the house. Get this fortune in my cookie:

Remark loudly. "HA, and it's way out apparently."

Drink a bit more.

SLEEP.

I was looking for some action,

but all I found was cigarettes and alcohol.

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Heartbreak Recovery: Part 5

Part Five: Depression without realising.

(Normally when I am depressed I tend to starve myself and hide away. This time it was different.)

This is where the days merge.

I work a lot. I sit at the house, staring at the telly with a glass of wine or a bottle of beer (or more) every night.

I go to work early and leave late. If need be, I work for free.

Time is wasted just staring and cuddling the horse. I can't ride anyway, my ankle hurts again.

One day I go to work and I am finally on the same shift as my main manager. I am in way before the store even opens. So I rant to him. A lot. It's the same stuff that I have told everyone else, but who cares?! He doesn't say much, he looks busy. Never mind.

Work a long shift.

Bump into the manager at the end of said shift.

"Maybe it's a good thing. You thought it would happen anyway. It'll be alright."

Smile and go back to the house.

Put lazy food in the oven, open another beer.

This is a bad routine. Tomorrow is a new day...

Cause you had a bad day,

You're taking one down.

You sing a sad song just to turn it around...

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Heartbreak Recovery: Day 4

Day Four: A normal day?

Wake up. Sun shining into my room. A sign for the future?

Spend all day to-ing and fro-ing from the yard. Grooming, being around for treatments, doing dinners.

Play music really loud at any opportunity. Rediscover "Affirmation" by Savage Garden. Find it particularly accurate.

Decide to go to Sainsburys and pick stuff up for dinner.

Go to work and buy a lamp for my room. Just 'cause I can.

Go back to the house. Cook my dinner.

Sit down on the sofa, discover I am eating a ready meal for one and have started a bottle of wine. First sign of a life of loneliness? Possibly.

Feel a bit tipsy. Film my Boots haul from the day before.

Upload to YouTube.

Sleep.

I believe in karma,

What you give is what you get returned.

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Heartbreak Recovery: Day 3

Day Three: Exam Day

Wake up to the sound of a bed vibrating extensively. Alex is deaf so has a thingie that makes his bed vibrate so he wakes up. It's 6am. Ouch.

Get up and dressed. Have a mild panic. Everything is getting too much recently.

Meet up with Saeed who is an economics genius. Revise a lot.

Lunchtime. Agree to stop and have some fun to put me in a good mood. Watch videos of drunk people.

Meet Alex again. On a constant panic. Walk to the exam in the pouring rain.

Get into the exam. Am sat away from my coursemates. Feel a bit lonely! Keep panicking. Keep thinking about him, missing him. Start crying in a panic.

Man up. Do the exam.

Launch oneself at Alex once it is all over. Head to Mojos for a celebration pint and chips. Nearly beat him at pool.

Head to Park Bar. Meet my (hopefully) future coursemates. Drink pints WAY too fast. Sing Bon Jovi songs with Saeed.

Get a taxi at 7:00 and go to the station. Get on a train. Put bag on seat next to me. Face plant into bag. Fall asleep for 25 minutes.

Stumble around London. Reach St Pancras. Spend £32.84 in Boots, getting all the bonus points, offers and freebies. Somehow.

Take shoes off because they pinch.

Laugh at strange man on the platform taking pictures of the train information. Take a photo of him. (Realise the next morning that you look more weird as you pretty much photographed your foot.)

Sleep on the train. Get a lift home. Drive to the house.

Sleep.

The drugs don't work,

They just make you worse,

but I know I'll see your face again.

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Heartbreak Recovery: Day 2

Day Two

It's bank holiday Monday. As I am incapable of saying NO to my manager, I found myself working the 9-13:30 shift. Wages are time and a half, but on a shift like that, sometimes it doesn't seem worth it.

(Could customers note that patience is a WONDERFUL virtue and if you all decide to go shopping on a BANK HOLIDAY you should expect to wait a little while.)

Leave work feeling proud of myself that I didn't have a meltdown.

Go back to the house. Pack.

Go to the yard where they are having a BBQ. After discovering that Mum has discovered someone else's cider, I work my way through her pack of Budweiser.

Laugh. A lot. Not all drink induced.

Smile. Knowing that my family and friends are always there.

Panic. Realising that I might miss my train.

Get on the train. Head to Reading. Try to revise.

Give up. Start Snapchatting everyone.

Fail at taking a photo of my music.

Try again with the photo. Listen to Taylor Swift. Singing out loud? Possibly.

Deal with delays on the Circle line.

Receive texts from EVERYONE asking if I was there yet. Phone duplicates messages. Miss a train after being in a drunken laughing fit.

Get to Reading. Get a taxi; brand new Mercedes E Class. Pretend I am being chauffeured. Like Kate Middleton. But blonde and not pregnant.

Meet my friend Alex. Camp on his floor overnight as I was meant to be staying with the EX and due to Bank Holidays, the uni hotel wasn't replying to emails.

Sleep.

Losing him was blue like I'd never known,

Missing him was dark grey all alone.

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Heartbreak Recovery: Day 1

If you have read my blog recently you will know that I was DUMPED. :(

*cue* "Aaaaall by myyyyseeeeelllff"

As I am one of those people who likes to be productive and focus on other things and people, I thought I would show all you lovely people how I am getting over this little *situation* and it might provide some inspiration for anyone else in a similar *situation*.

Part one will not be that helpful, just shows you my mentality really! Eeek.

Day One.

The deed was done by 6am. (By text, just sayin') 

In an emotional state, I stumble around the house, feed the cat and dog, break into my car and drive home to my Mum's.

Can't get in the front door. Chain is on. Try to break into the back door whilst parents are looking out the front door. Turns out back door was open all along. 

Fall into Mum's arms. Have big hugs.

Lay on the kitchen floor for 20 minutes with Bob the dog. Allow him to give me kisses.

Rant to Mum about life.

In my angry state, remove the photos of him from around my mirror. Go to throw them in the bin. Wonder if I will regret it. Put them all in the box of memories that I have. I can deal with that when I feel stronger.

Have a shower. Go back to the house. Get ready for work, text the girls.

Get to work early. Moan to my manager. Get bundled with hugs and kisses from my girls. (I love you all.)

Work my arse off all day. Wonder if I am radiating *single* fumes as the old men keep flirting. Eeew.

Leave work. Have a friend to stay in the spare room as I don't want to be alone. Order Domino's.

Check Facebook. See that he has changed his relationship status and removed the nice things about me in his "About Me" area are deleted.

Shock hits me. For the first time all day, I cry big time.

Eat lots of Domino's. Drink a lot of beer.

Sleep.

Keep an eye out for Part 2 of my Heartbreak Recovery series!

It must have been love,

But it's over now.

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